My Simple Testimony

I realized I hadn't done this yet and thought I should. I'm going to be brief and simple, as a testimony should be. I just want to tell you what I know to be true from the bottom of my heart and with everything I am. Webster defines testimony as "proof or evidence that something exists or is true." Here is my evidence. My testimony.

I testify that God lives and Jesus is the Christ, our loving messiah. He was born of a humble birth in Bethlehem and lead the way for us to return to our Heavenly Father. I know the atonement is real. I've felt it's power and strength in my life and shall continue for the rest of my existence, both in this life and the next. I know, with a calming and beautiful peacefulness in my heart, that Joseph Smith saw God the Father and His son Jesus Christ that lovely morning in the Sacred Grove. I've been there, and the spirit is so strong and beautiful. But it doesn't take being there to know that, as I realized throughout my life. I know Joseph Smith was a prophet of the Lord. I know it. And he translated the sacred record that would become the Book of Mormon, the keystone of our religions, and of my life. It would be impossible for me to deny that I have felt the promise made in the Book of Mormon in Moroni 10:4. I know this book is true. The gospel of Jesus Christ is real and true. I know Heavenly Father loves us and guides us because He wants us to come back to Him. And yes, I know that Thomas S. Monson is a prophet of God. The leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints are inspired men who strive to serve the Lord and lead us back to Him. And I know, with all my heart, that I will see them again. I love my Heavenly Father and my Savior so much, and I want to live every day of my life worthy of their love as well.

This is my testimony. It's not going to make me a million dollars. It's not going to protect me from criticism and trials, but it will be my rock and my foundation for the rest of my life. I know these things are true. I bare witness of them in the name of Jesus Christ, our beloved Savior. Amen.

The Spirit of Gratitude

 D&C 78: 19 And he who receiveth all things with ^athankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an ^bhundred fold, yea, more.

I have a confession to make.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.

No really, it's my hands down favorite time of year. Is it the turkey? Tasty but no. The football? Nope. Pumpkin pie? I do love my pumpkin pie, but no. So what is it then? Why is Thanksgiving, a rather mediocre holiday, my favorite?

Every year on Thanksgiving I sit down in my room and pull out my journal. There I write my testimony of gratitude and share what I'm thankful for. And FYI, I've never finished writing all I'm thankful for. But that's it. It's that spirit of gratitude.

Now yes, we should have that every day of our lives, and I try to do that, but I like taking a day and not asking for a single thing. I don't like to pray and ask for anything on Thanksgiving. Nope. I just say thank you. That's it. And I love every minute of it. That tender feeling of the spirit is one I wish I could have every day. And I try to, but it's nothing compared to taking a whole day to have gratitude.

So I suppose it's not a surprise I'm very against anything Christmas related before Thanksgiving. I hate Christmas music before Black Friday (also I hate Black Friday. It's my least favorite day of the year.). We always pass by this holiday and treat it like a day to eat a ton of food and watch football, but it always meant so much more to me. It was always a holiday I held close to my heart.

I know it's easy to forget Thanksgiving because of the excitement of Christmas, and that's a wonderful holiday too. Remembering the humble birth of our Savior is not mediocre (though it's turned into a holiday about presents more than Christ), but neither is giving a sincere prayer of thanks to our Heavenly Father. I'd challenge everyone to try to write down your testimonies of gratitude and to really take the day to share with your Heavenly Father how much you appreciate everything He does for you.

I'll probably write mine and post it on here, but you don't have to share what you write. There's great power in keeping a personal journal to yourself. Just remember what this holiday is about. It's not about the turkey or the stuffing (though they are delicious so by all means enjoy them). It's about being thankful for all the blessings in your life. And my aren't we blessed.

I know the promise made in the scripture above and the words of the prophets and apostles on gratitude are all true. Gratitude is a powerful tool against Satan. And it leads us on the path to joy. Take the time to immerse yourself in the spirit of gratitude. It's a beautiful and wonderful day to celebrate. Remember to be thankful.

My Ideal Body

We live in a world today that is constantly trying to tell women how they are supposed to look. We can't go on social media websites without running into advertisements on how we can lose weight fast and easy. We can't even go on Pinterest without being bombarded with pins telling us how we can achieve our perfect body. Yet how often do we see in our world advertisements or posts online telling us about how we are daughters of a king who loves us no matter what our measurements? How often are we told about our divine qualities given to us by our Heavenly Father? And why is it stressed that we have "an ideal body?"

Your body is a gift. It's a gift from your Heavenly Father. If you want to look a certain way that's up to you, but know now that you are not just a body. You are a person with a soul, a personality, attributes, and yes, divine qualities. Your Heavenly Father wants you to progress and learn more to enhance those divine qualities so you may return to Him. Does He want you to take care of your body? Of course. That's why we have the word of wisdom. But He loves you no matter what you weigh or what you look like.

I'd be a liar if I said I too wasn't affected by the bombarding images of what I "should" look like. Sure, I'd like to have a smaller waist. I can't stand my pale skin tone, and sometimes I even wish I didn't have curly hair. But one thing I love about my Heavenly Father is His message to me. Not once in my entire life have I ever received a blessing or any sort of revelation from my Heavenly Father pertaining to my looks. When I go through my patriarchal blessing I'm touched by the spirit and come to love myself more. Does my patriarchal blessing say anything about "obtaining a perfect body?" No. It tells me how I can become more like my Savior and of the divine qualities I already have and can develop later in my life.

I am more than my body. Sure, I like to dress up and do my hair, and I can't stand bad hair days, but I know who I am. I know what my Heavenly Father sees in me (for the most part). And I know my potential. How can we all come to know this? By turning away from the world and what it tells us we must be and turning to our Heavenly Father who uplifts us. The number one example you should follow in your life is your Savior. He has paved the way back to our Heavenly Father, and it's not exclusive to those of a particular size, skin tone, height, or looks. It's for everyone. The potential to return to our Savior and Heavenly Father and be like unto them is in every single one of us. Every. Single. One of us.

Now I'd like to share my ideal body. This has come with much debate and thought through the years. This is the body I want:
- Hands worn and used to help others
- Legs that race to the aid of my fellow man
- Eyes that see what our Savior sees in others
- A mouth that speaks through the spirit
- Arms strong enough to hug and hold those in need
- A mind open to learning and new experiences
- A heart big enough for all of God's creatures

Before I close, I just want to say that if you want to be healthier and work out, do it. We're encouraged to take care of our bodies. I try my best to do what I can, but not to achieve an image the world tells me I must. It's up to you what you do. As for me, I want to achieve that ideal body listed above. I want to meet my Savior and Heavenly Father as a tired old woman who spent her whole life serving others, and in turn serving her God.

Remember not to heed the worldly standards but to turn to your Heavenly Father. He will uplift you because He loves you. It's as simple as that. He loves you. He loves you for the person He knows you to be. Not for your body. Don't let anyone ever let you believe otherwise.

Nephi the Spiritual Giant

I may have mentioned before but I've decided to try reading the Book of Mormon in full in 3 months. I'm pretty bad about keeping up with my seven pages a day, but I make a point to catch up and do it. And I've found it's been an amazing experience. I confessed before I'm really bad about scripture study. But once I get reading I can't stop. Somehow reading seven pages doesn't seem like enough.

This time around I've been trying to journal and really study what I read. I want to get as much as I can out of it for this time in my life, and journal for future reference. I can't put everything I learn and come across on here, but I thought I'd share some of my experiences. And what I've found.

In my post about cancelling my mission, I shared some of what I learned in 1 Nephi that helped me in accepting my decision and trying to understand it from an eternal perspective. Yet that was only the beginning of much learning that has taken up so many pages in my journal.

I realized as I started reading 1 Nephi that I know this story really well. I've watched the Book of Mormon film, heard the story in church, and seen it portrayed many times at Hill Cumorah. Every time I've read it I've passed through passively because it was all the same to me. I've read this. I know this story. What more can I take out of it?

So this time I tried to understand it deeper. As a big reader and a writer I wanted to analyze it like I would a book. Every word in the scriptures has a deeper meaning. We know this from Christ's parables but it's true of every single word in the scriptures.

I decided to take a surprising turn in studying 1 Nephi. I wanted to understand the story from both Nephi and Laman's point-of-view. Specifically, I wanted to see how I could relate to Laman. The results were startling. I could relate to him way more than I wanted to admit. But already it's taught me a valuable lesson.

While it may seem strange to try to understand and relate to Laman, my thought process was that if I knew how I related to Laman then I knew what I had to work on. And while it was easy to see everything from Nephi's point-of-view since it's written in his point-of-view I wanted to try to see it from the eyes of a young man, not an older man recalling his youth.

All my life I thought Nephi was a spiritual giant and it came easy to him. I thought he just knew. He didn't struggle like me. He always said wonderful things and always acted on unlimited faith. To me, he was the perfect example of what we should strive to be in this life (save only Christ). It just seemed so easy for Nephi.

Yet, what I found was the opposite. Nephi didn't have a testimony right away. He didn't have a perfect testimony and perfect faith. Does anyone? But not only that, Nephi had to work for it. This has become so much my mantra I've put a post-it on my mirror to remind me.

When Nephi was in the wilderness (prior to getting the plates) he knelt down in prayer to know the things which his father knew. In that moment he received a testimony that was vital to him being able to get the brass plates. I got more into this in a previous post. But I think this is so important.

Remember, becoming a spiritual giant like Nephi doesn't come easy. Nephi worked for his testimony and he continued to be faithful and try to do what he could to please his Heavenly Father. We can't become Nephis over night. That takes time and effort. It's not impossible though. We can be strong and faithful like Nephi. Like him, we have to work hard for it.

But, we can become Lamans too. It was interesting to reread 1 Nephi and to try to see it from his point-of-view. I always thought Nephi and Laman were black and white. I just thought he was all bad. It has to be understood that Laman isn't bad. He just lacks a testimony. Now I'm not saying this to scare anyone who lacks a testimony (I recommend reading Elder Holland's recent talk at General Conference in regards to this topic) but what needs to be understood is Laman both lacked a testimony and wasn't willing to work for one.

How many times do we expect Heavenly Father to bless us the way we want? Can you really say you aren't guilty of that? Well I hate to break it to you, but that's very much like Laman. In fact, I bet every one of us has a little of Laman in us. More than we want to admit, too.

Laman wanted things to be easy and simple. He loved his home and had a comfortable life. Imagine having the life you always wanted and suddenly being told by your father you had to leave for the wilderness. You have to leave everything and everyone you love behind. That's not easy. Can you blame Laman for complaining and not wanting to go?

The big difference in how Laman and Nephi handle things is that one has a testimony and sought it out and the other didn't. While Nephi was still young and premature in his testimony it still had a tremendous impact on his behavior. And likewise, not having one or striving for one effected Laman's behavior and attitude.

What we need to ask ourselves now is who do we want to become. Do we want to be like Nephi? Do we want to work hard for our testimony, continually trust in the Lord, and strive to better ourselves? Or do we want to be like Laman, comfortable in our worldly pleasure, lacking in testimony, and lazy?

Yet somehow in our every day decisions we end up striving to be a little bit like both of them. What I've gotten out of this study so far is how important it is to make it a daily goal to choose our Heavenly Father. We need to decide for ourselves what we want. It's easy to see things from a short perspective. It's easy to make a decision that won't effect us until later in life. But we need to decide now who we want to be now, tomorrow, and forever more. And we need to constantly do what we can for that.

I love the scriptures. I don't think I can say that enough. No matter how many times I reread them, I always get something new out of it. And I'm excited to see what this new goal will teach me and to see what messages I get that pertain to my life right now.

I'd encourage everyone to take the challenge to read seven pages of the Book of Mormon a day. It's okay if you're not perfect about it. I'm actually a bit behind, but I catch up. You can do it. I promise if you do and you really study and ponder what you read you'll find the messages you need at this time in your life. Heavenly Father often blesses us through His teachings in the scriptures. Even when we think we know it all, we find more richness when we reread.

I know this book is true. I know it. And I'm so thankful for having them in my life. And I say these things, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

The Truth About No

Often times when discussing the cancellation of my mission people would say to me, "Why would Heavenly Father say no to you serving a mission?" It's a hard question to answer. I've asked myself this question and often wondered if it was because I wasn't worthy or good enough. But I've come to find that, as Heavenly Father humbles and uplifts, that isn't the answer. Rather, when Heavenly Father says no it's for a reason we don't often realize.

When Heavenly Father says "no" it's because he has an even bigger "yes" in mind.

Think about that for a second. Sometimes we linger so much on the no we forget he has something else in store for us. Imagine what it's like for Heavenly Father. He wants to bless us. But we have to do the right work and ask the right questions.

What needs to be understood about a no is you're given that answer because what you're asking for is not good enough for you. Heavenly Father will bless you with the best that you need. Not the best that you want. I recall a story of a woman who was dating a young man and wasn't sure if she wanted to marry him. He shared his desire to marry her so she knelt down in prayer. What was her answer? Absolutely not. Following that prompting, she ended it and later realized the blessing of that answer. She ended up marrying a wonderful man who was a much better choice for her. He was the best option for her. That other man wasn't. Heavenly Father had a wonderful yes in mind for her.

If there is one thing we need to always remember in regards to these sometimes heart breaking answers, it's that you should always listen to it. If she married that man her life wouldn't be what it is today, and she's thankful she made the right decision. Likewise, I once heard the story of another woman who, the day of her wedding, knelt down in prayer to ask if it was the right decision. What did she get? No. Did she listen? No. Many years later after a hard divorce and a marriage to another wonderful man she realized her mistake in not listening.

The truth is a no is never given without strong reason. Actually, no answer is every given without strong reason, but a no must never be ignored. Remember a no isn't your Heavenly Father turning against you. He isn't mistreating you or abandoning you. While receiving a no as an answer to a prayer can be hard, it can also be a wonderful blessing we don't understand at first.

One time I knelt down in prayer to my Heavenly Father about going to college. I desired to apply to certain colleges and sought an answer of encouragement. But it wasn't to be. I was devastated. It didn't make sense to me. Why didn't He want me to go to college? Isn't college a good thing? Several months later my father lost his job and we went into the process of moving. It blessed me so much more to listen to my Heavenly Father. I thought He was punishing me and didn't want me to succeed in life. What I later realized was he had other ideas of how to bless me and help me grow.

"It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It will all work out. If you do your best, it will all work out. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us... If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers." - Gordon B. Hinckley

Receiving answers to prayers and heeding them takes a lot of faith. When we exercise that faith and show our Heavenly Father we're willing to do what is right, even when we don't understand why, He blesses us. Besides, what better person to put your trust in than your almighty Heavenly Father?

Sometimes receiving a no and moving forward with that takes more faith than a yes. I've learned that ten fold since cancelling my mission. Sometimes I'm down on myself and I think, "What now? I don't understand? Why would he say no to this?" While I may not see the blessings now of that decision and what's in store for me, I can't expect Heavenly Father to just hand me the blessings right away. As President Hinckley said, I need to be worthy and trust Him.

But remember, when you get a no listen to it. Always listen to it. It's easy to think of no's as Heavenly Father punishing us. Like when I was praying about college, I thought that no was meant to punish me. Instead it was given because I was needed elsewhere. Heavenly Father says no because he has something else in store. Something better. When we see it that way it's not so bad, but it's not easy to get to that understanding and to keep holding on to that understanding.

My father once told me, "Sometimes it's not Plan A. Sometimes it's not plan B. Sometimes it's plan C. You just have to keep praying and trying to figure it out. If you get a no try to figure out what to do." Think of it this way, Nephi and his brothers didn't get the plates the first time. They didn't get it the second time. They got it the third time. Sometimes it takes quite a few times before we get a yes. But there are blessings in the journey to a yes. Look at it from an eternal perspective. How do you think Heavenly Father feels when we put in the effort to try to find the right answer? He knows He's giving His blessings to the right person for the right reasons. We need to work and prove we're worthy of it. He wants to bless us. We just have to do our part.

So a no really isn't all that bad. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it's hard and awkward. Sometimes you don't understand why. Sometimes you don't get it. And sometimes you just want to cry on your pillow because you really wanted a yes. But you have to trust your Heavenly Father. He knows what He's doing. A no isn't the end of the world. The truth is a no is just the beginning of you finding better things. There are greater things in store for you than that no.

I know in my own life right now it's been taking a lot of faith to move forward and to figure out what I want to do. I guess really the truth about a no is it takes a whole lot more faith than I thought. And that's okay. Heavenly Father loves us and He wants to bless our lives and to help us grow so we can return to Him. I'm excited to move forward in my life and find out what's in store for me. Maybe I don't know what's in store and maybe I'll stumble along the way, but I'll figure it out.

Just to finish with my testimony, I know this church is true and that Heavenly Father lives and loves us. He desires the best for us. Can I say that enough? Well it's true. I know it is. And I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Dearest Father

I'm a bit sad I missed the chance to write on Mother's Day, so I contemplated not writing on Father's Day, but that's just not me. I can't not write about both my earthly father and Heavenly Father. I'll have to make up for it with a later Mother's Day post. Because likewise I can't not write about my mother.

If you don't know my earthly father then you don't know me. I don't really call him Dad like most people would. To me he's Herby, my best friend. I've always been really close to Herby, and that's probably because we're a lot alike. Like me he's quiet, observant, and friendly. We love going on walks together where we talk and talk and talk.

Being away from Herby has been a huge trial. It's hard to not have him to turn to and to know how much he's struggling. I've come to know he is the greatest example of pure love in my life, save only that of my Heavenly Father and Savior. His guidance is one I constantly seek and cherish. And his love and charity are never ending.

Herby's a funny guy. He's a huge nerd. One day he came to visit us in Utah and we were delighted to see floating lanterns in the sky. Enamored, he watched on with the light of a child in his eyes. And what did he say? Was it profound? It seemed like he was about to say something deep and spiritual. What did he say?

"Aliens."

Yup. That's Herby for you.

There's a good chance if we talked in person and you brought up Star Trek I've told you how my parents planned to name me after a character. Or how Herby collects the films and made me watch a few (yes, he made me. I stand by that). Or how he has several seasons on dvd. He has a pez dispenser collection of Star Trek characters. And we got him a Star Wars lunch box he actually brought to work (I was so proud). Oh yes, he has all of the Star Wars dvds too. Again, super huge nerd.

But the best thing about him isn't his nerdiness. It's not even those funny little things he says. No, my father is a wonderful example to me. He conveys Christ-like love better than anyone I know. He's helped me through my toughest trials, taught me things I'll never forget, and gave me guidance when I was lost. I don't know what my life would be like without him. I can't imagine having anyone else as a father. Sometimes I even want to share him with others, but then again he's mine. I don't like to share too much.

It's hard to be away from him. I know, you have to get away from daddy sometime. But the circumstances aren't the same. They're heartbreaking. It's hard to not be upset when I think about it. But I know we'll be together for time and all eternity. I'm sealed to my family. I'll have them in my life and the next. What an amazing blessing.

And how blessed I am to have Herby as my father. Really, truly. I have the best possible dad for me. He's taught me so much and continues to be a teacher and comforter in my life. Telling him I cancelled my mission was hard, but he was so kind and sweet about it. He acted exactly as I needed him to act. And I'm forever grateful for that. I love him so so much.

I can't talk about Father's Day without talking about my Heavenly Father. I love Him. Through and through. Heavenly Father is the perfect father. He lifts us up, helps us, teaches us, and humbles us. He wants so badly to have us return to Him.

What I find amazing is He had the chance to make sure everyone could be with Him. That was an option. Did you ever stop and think, wouldn't that have been better for Him? What did our Heavenly Father choose? He chose that we had our agency. The only gift better than our agency to decide our lives is that of our Savior. We can choose to return to Him. That must be hard for Him. I can't begin to imagine. But He loves us. So He gave us His only begotten Son and agency. What are we doing to be worthy of that love?

Heavenly Father deserves the best because He's willing to give us the best. But we have to choose to give that to Him. We have to choose Him. We have to choose to strive to return to Him. The amazing thing is He doesn't expect perfection. He expects us to fail and fall and get bruised and battered. But He also expects us to get up and try again. And we can do that.

What an amazing Father in Heaven. While some of us may not have fathers, or perhaps we don't have a good relationship with him, we all have a Heavenly Father. And He loves us. He will never forsake us. He will never turn his back on us. No, He is the perfect father (though Herby is pretty stinkin close).

We are NOT spiritual orphans.

I'm so thankful for fathers and their role in my life. I'm beyond thankful for my earthly father and Heavenly Father. Without them I'm just a fragment of a person. I love them dearly and encourage everyone to recognize their fathers and Heavenly Father today. Remember, we are not spiritual orphans.

A Little Clarification

I haven't posted on here and I plan on getting back on track with that. I'm already teeming with so many ideas for new posts and want to make this a regular thing again. However, there are things that need to be addressed and explained, so I'm going to do that here in a rather informal post.

As of last Tuesday I've cancelled my mission. So I guess you could say the title of this blog fits now. And now I can write about not being a full time missionary for who knows how long. This decision has come with much prayer and study. It wasn't easy, and honestly I don't think it will be for a while. I can't tell you how hard it is to tell people. But I'm okay with it. I know it's the right decision and I'm excited for what's ahead.

So I just want to get down to the basics and answer the questions. I get asked a lot of questions in regard to cancelling my mission and such so here I'm going to say it all. Just to let it out there. Here goes.

Did you get your call?

Yes I did. The day after I cancelled. Ironic, isn't it? It was odd. Holding that call in my hand was strange. I didn't feel bad or like I made a huge mistake. If anything, it felt like going through with it would have been wrong. I didn't like telling people though. That felt wrong.

But didn't you announce your call on Facebook? So you lied.

Yes. I did. And I hated it. I lingered over posting that for some time. I didn't want to tell anyone about my call. I just wanted to open it and continue on with my day. I wanted to tell everyone the truth. Instead things got out of hand and I lied. I felt horrible for days. And I'm sorry for that. And just a note, I'm not blaming the excitement for my lying. That was my doing. I'm in the wrong for that.

Did you cancel because of a guy?

This is the most common question I get in regards to cancelling my mission. The only guy involved in the cancellation of my mission is Heavenly Father. Sorry to disappoint but it's not because of a guy I was dating or anything, not that I'm seeing anyone anyway. So no.

So why did you cancel your mission?

Ahhh. The tough one. Ultimately what happened was I started to feel like I shouldn't go. Just a feeling. An impression if you will. Really what I felt was that I needed to reconsider and pray about it again. I prayed about it in October. That's quite a long time ago. Somehow serving a mission didn't feel as right as it did back in October.

Eventually I sought council from someone on it and through talking with them felt very strongly impressed I had to pray about it again. So I woke up the next morning, read my patriarchal blessing, scriptures, and studied it out in my mind. Then I prayed and received an answer. The decision to submit my will and say "not my will but thine be done" was one of the hardest decisions in my entire existence. It took me a few days to stop crying, get up, and say, "Alright. A mission isn't for me. And that's okay."

Simply put: it just didn't feel right. And it's between Heavenly Father and I.

Did you feel pressured to go on a mission?

Not at first. I thought it was all natural. If you read my post on how I decided, it all made sense to me. I did feel pressured after cancelling. It felt like everyone was disappointed and didn't want to accept that I wasn't going on a mission. But I know what's right for me and I've made my decision.

Side note: when I say I felt pressured, I don't mean people insisted I go on a mission. It was more like people made me feel bad. They were disappointed, or they would go on about my call, or about how great of a missionary I would have been. It makes me uncomfortable and like no one's going to like me if I don't do what they expect of me (this is a problem, I know). So that's what I mean.

So you still got your call. Where were you called to?

I was called to the West Indies mission including the Trinidad region. English speaking. I would have reported to the DR MTC on September 25th.

It's probably because you took too long to finish your papers.

Well thank you but no. I'm glad I took my time. Why? Because then I wouldn't have rushed into the mission and realized halfway through it was the wrong decision. It's better I took my time and realized it wasn't right for me now than to have rushed into it and realized it too late. So I disagree with this. I would have found out. The timing of this is exactly what it needed to be. It has nothing to do with how long it took me to finish my papers.

Are you sure you weren't just scared? Or worried about where you'd go?

If that was the case then I don't have the faith to serve a mission. No, I wasn't scared. I wasn't worried about where I'd be called. I trust my Heavenly Father.

Are you sure this wasn't Satan?

I hate this question. Nothing is more insulting than this question. I know how Heavenly Father communicates with me. I've known for a long time. And I know the difference between Satan and Heavenly Father. Satan makes us feel bad. Sometimes I'd think to myself, "I'm not good enough to serve a mission. That's why Heavenly Father doesn't want me to serve a mission." That's Satan. It's also bull crap.

How I knew it was from Heavenly Father and not through Satan was 1) the priesthood. I spoke with priesthood holders whom I trusted and looked up to in order to know what decision to make. I even received a priesthood blessing. Wow too. I've never doubted priesthood blessings but my testimony of them has been quadrupled.

2) The spirit. This is the thing about this question. When I say I felt impressed and prayed about it, don't you think I'd be prompted by the spirit? Again, very offensive question. But continuing on, I listened to the promptings of the spirit. I know when I'm feeling the spirit. End of discussion.

3) It felt right. When I made that decision I felt so good. Yes, that's the spirit, but there was nothing in me that felt bad. And not only that, but I knew he accepted my willingness. I knew Heavenly Father appreciated my willingness to serve a mission. He just has different plans for me.

And Finally, while it was hard, I didn't feel beaten down. I was humbled and uplifted. I knew it wasn't because I wasn't good enough or anything like that. Again, there are different things in store for me. and that's okay.

It bothers me to no end when people would say something like this, but I've gotten it a few times. I almost feel like I shouldn't have to answer or explain that. There was nothing worldly in this decision. Isn't that enough of an answer? However, I guess I can understand where people are coming from. (Nope. Not really. Not at all. No.) So there's your answer.

What now?

Another question I dread. Honestly, I have no idea.

This is a test of my faith. If I knew what Heavenly Father wanted me to do and what was around the corner it wouldn't be. Of course, I have to do my work. I can't just sit around and twiddle my thumbs. I have to figure out what I need to do. Do I have some ideas? Yes. Am I going to say what? No. I need to figure it out for myself.

A great quote I've been considering during this time is from Gordon B. Hinckley: "Get down on your knees and pray then get on your feet and work."

So is there any chance you'll serve a mission later?

Well my papers aren't on hold. They're cancelled. Done. Bye bye. But hey, things could change. Maybe next year I'll go on a mission. Maybe in a few years. Maybe I'll go when I'm married. I don't know. If it's the right time then sure. I would love to.

Maybe you'll get married soon! I think I hear wedding bells.

Not a question but come on people. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Maybe I'll get started on a writing career. Or I'll go to college. Maybe I'll die a spinster. Who knows. It's in Heavenly Father's hands. And I'm pretty cool with that. But stop with the marriage stuff.

Is this in relation to anything at home?

No. This is between the Lord and I. If there was a problem at home or financially that would keep me from a mission I wouldn't worry. I trust my Heavenly Father. End of discussion.

You didn't want to change your mind after you got your call?

No. I've made my decision and it's the right one. I know it. Is it pretty cool to see where I would have gone? Yes. Is it really hard to think about? Sometimes, yes. Especially when people keep talking to me about it as if I'm still going. But I'm past that.

Wow. That's so sad that you're not going. I feel so bad for the people in the West Indies and Trinidad. You would have been a great missionary... blah blah blah pity party boo hoo blah blah blah

Please don't say anything like this to me. It makes me feel pressured and uncomfortable. Don't try to make me feel bad. You make it sound like I've just made the worst decision in my life. And I didn't. (see: Did you feel pressured to serve a mission?)

If you weren't going on a mission in the first place then why would Heavenly Father put you through all that?

Fantastic question! I've been wondering this for some time. In fact, I found my answer just the other day while reading the scriptures. In 1st Nephi I always thought it was interesting how Lehi and his family went into the wilderness without any indication that they should get the brass plates. It's not until they're in the wilderness that Lehi tells them the Lord has commanded his sons to get the brass plates. I never got this. Why didn't Heavenly Father just tell them while they were still in Jerusalem? Wouldn't that be easier? It's not like He didn't know they would need them.

However, upon studying I found something interesting. In the wilderness was where Nephi gained his testimony. He didn't have it before. He leaned on his father's testimony. It wasn't until his faith was tested and he was out in the wilderness that he gained a testimony of his own. Nephi needed that before he could do the work Heavenly Father had in store for him. Would he be willing to try three times to get the plates without that testimony? I think Laman and Lemuel's examples answer that for us.

Not only that, but Nephi shared his experience with his brother Sam. And Sam believed him. This is huge. If Sam didn't have that experience where he leaned on his brother's testimony he might have not sided with him. So he might have been on Laman and Lemuel's side. Nephi may be a strong and great guy with a strong testimony, but he couldn't continue on his own. Those two needed each other. And through Nephi Sam was able to gain his own testimony.

Likewise if we read in Genesis there is the story of Abraham and Isaac. Abraham was given a huge test of faith when he was told to sacrifice Isaac. It wasn't until right before that an angel of the Lord appeared unto him and told him he doesn't have to kill him.

Man I love the scriptures. They're awesome. Aren't they? So I think my situation was much like that of both stories. It was a test of faith and I had to grow a bit before I could be a better servant of my Heavenly Father. I know I've grown tremendously in preparing to serve a mission. I've come much closer to my Heavenly Father than ever before. And for that I'm thankful for the experience.

I don't know all the details of Heavenly Father's plan, but I'm slowly picking up on the little blessings of this. And you know, that's enough for me.

Anything else you want to say?

Not really. I think I've said it all. In fact that's a lot. Sorry about that. I may have ranted a bit. But there you go. If I missed any questions just ask and I'll answer. I'm pretty sure I covered all of it.

This has all been crazy and ridiculous and hard. But it's okay. The other day when I told my ward a guy came up to me and said, "Don't be sad or bothered by anything anyone says. It's between you and the Lord and you know you made the right decision." It was actually pretty random but so sweet. I needed that more than I realized. The random hugs have been pretty nice too.

The number one thing I've taken from this experience is to trust my Heavenly Father and understand there's nothing wrong with me. Just because I'm not serving a mission doesn't mean I'm a bad person or not good enough for the blessings of heaven. It's okay. I'll be okay. And I'll find my way. I just have to figure out which way to go now.

Just an Update

I've been rather busy and haven't had the time to write. And not just for this blog, but in my other writing as well. (My poor journal is in desperate need of an update) It's been a crazy month full of wonderful blessings, much learning, laughter, and smiles.

Yesterday I taught my first lesson in Relief Society. Prior to this the only lesson I ever taught was Valiant 8 once. The lesson can be found in the Teaching of Presidents of the Church: Lorenzo Snow. It was lesson 8, "Search Me, O God, And Know My Heart." The context of this lesson stems from a scripture in Pslam 139: 23-24:

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart: ^atry me, and know my thoughts:

 24 And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

I really struggled with this lesson. I just didn't know what I was supposed to teach and how to put it to words. When I inquired about the matter to Herby he recommended I reread it two more times until I got it. And, upon inspiration, I decided to go to the temple to read it.

Since I wasn't in Sunday dress I stayed on the temple grams that Saturday and read. I've never been to the temple grounds of the Mt. Timpanogos temple. I've been inside, and I've been around at night when it's closed, but up until that moment I never had the chance to walk around. It was beautiful though a bit chilly with more flowers than I anticipated.

Reading in the temple helped a lot more. I never reread. I usually understand things I read the first time around. Reading is something that comes easy to me, and understanding language and how writing works has always been easy. So why was this so hard?

I don't really know, but I managed to grasp it enough to make a lesson out of it. How did the lesson go? Quiet. Very quiet. That could be bad or that could be good. I don't know, but if I touched someone's heart then I've done my job. Even if it's only one person. I was nervous beyond belief and the silence didn't help, but I did it. Maybe it wasn't perfect, but I did it.

To clarify, yes I'll be posting more on the lesson in detail. This post is simply and update and to prove my writing isn't dead. I thought I'd say a few things here to kind of set it in stone.

We've been challenged in our mission prep class to finish the Book or Mormon in about three months. We have to read seven pages a day. I'm already behind but I want to do it. I started taking the Book of Mormon class at Institute because I need to be better about my knowledge of the Book of Mormon. If I were teaching about the Doctrine and Covenants or the Bible then this would be a breeze. I know them like the back of my hand, but I don't know the Book of Mormon nearly as well. And the Book of Mormon is what I'll be teaching people about.

As for what else has happened, I could go on forever. Especially on a spiritual level. My papers are almost done! I just need to get those wisdom teeth removed. To say I'm grateful is an understatement. I've been (im)patiently waiting to get them in. I just want it in and over with. The longer it takes the more excited I get. And the more it bothers me that I've been working on them since January. (yes, that long)

I know there isn't a lot of spiritual value in this, but well that's life. And I'm already anticipating what I'll write next. If you're reading this and disappointed I apologize. I'll get back on track with writing soon now that things are going back to normal.

God bless!

He is Risen

Recently we celebrated Easter, a day to remember the Savior and that he is risen. I think over the years I've paid more attention to new dresses, Easter eggs, and candy than I have the true message of Easter. Yet this year I decided to ponder more on the true meaning of Easter and what our Savior has done for us.

The atonement is the center of our religion. It really is. Without the atonement we cannot progress into the next life and return to our Heavenly Father. Because of our loving older brother we are able to do just that. It's a truly tender and beautiful thing. Do you ever stop to think about it? I know I don't nearly enough. The blessings of the atonement have been with us throughout our lives and will continue to bless us in this life and the next life.

The truth is we should recognize what the Savior has done for us every day. Not just one Sunday in the year. Maybe that's hard to hear and maybe we think that means watching emotional gut wrenching videos on the atonement and rereading in the scriptures every day about the Saviors trials in the garden of Gethsemane. But in reality we should honor and recognize that through our daily actions and prayer.

We have the wonderful opportunity to be forgiven for our sins. How amazing is that? Because of Christ we can be forgiven. Heavenly Father knows we're not perfect. Yet he still wants us to return to him and through our Redeemer we can do just that. Now sure, it's not always as simple as a prayer asking for forgiveness. There might be times when we need to go to our bishop or we need to apologize to others, but it's still a wonderful thing.

Russell M. Nelson once said, "I weep for joy when I contemplate the significance of it all. To be redeemed is to be atoned - received in the close embrace of God with an expression not only of His forgiveness, but of our oneness of heart and mind. What a privilege! And what a comfort to those of us with loved ones who have already passed from our family circle through the gateway we call death!"

We can be forgiven of our sins. Heavenly Father loves us and wants us to return to him. And our Savior also loves us and wants us to be forgiven. That's why he became the ultimate example and made it possible for us to be forgiven through the atonement. How amazing is it to know that though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool? Interestingly enough, the Hebrew translation of atonement kaphar means "to forgive" and "to cover." ¹ Coincidence? There's no such thing.

D&C 58:42 Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more.

But the atonement does much more for us than that. One of the many names of Christ is the Comforter. The atonement can bring us comfort. Why? Because Christ has been in our shoes and he knows what we've been through. And guess what? He conquered it. Not only did he conquer taking upon himself our sins and trials but he also conquered death. And we can too.

Many of us are familiar with the story Footprints. In it a person is walking in the sand beside Christ, each footprint representing a moment in their life. Yet during their trials they find only one set of footprints. When they inquire about it to Christ he tells them he was carrying them through those trials.

I love that story and it's wonderful representation of Christ's love and the power of comfort in the atonement. You see the atonement isn't just about being forgiven of our sins. It's about being able to over come anything. Yes, anything through our Savior.

President Henry B. Eyring taught, "it will comfort us when we must wait in distress for the Savior's promised relief that He knows, from experience, how to heal and help us... And faith in that power will give us patience as we pray and work and wait for help. He could have know how to succor us simply by revelation, but He chose to learn by His own personal experience."²

Wow. Our Savior chose this. He chose to be able to relate to us and know our pain and struggles. This isn't a small thing. This is a tremendous act of love. Perhaps it is one of the biggest acts of love in the history of man. What are we doing in our daily lives to honor that?

I once read something that said, "Is the way your living worth Christ dying for?" It really got me thinking about how I live and if I'm doing enough to show my Heavenly Father and Savior that I want to return to them. Am I? Are we? This is in no way to bring us down. Oh no, because we're not expected to be perfect. We're just expected to try our best.

Do not doubt for one second that your Savior loves you and that you are alone. Not one second are you alone in this. Your Savior is always there for you; waiting for you, cheering you on, and wanting to help and guide you. Seek him out. Seek his atonement. Seek his love.

And we're only scratching the surface.

One thing I really love about our religion is how we recognize that he lives. Not that he died. And not that he lived. But that he lives. It was Paul who said, "As in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive." Because of Christ we can all become perfected. Every single one of us. He didn't just do that for a few people. No, he did that for everyone. What a beautiful and wonderful atonement. What a beautiful and wonderful Savior we have.

The atonement is amazing. It really is. And I'm so thankful for the time I've had to reflect and learn from it, and from what it's done for me in my life. The atonement has healed me, comforted me, and even helped me to forgive others. I love my Savior and want to live a life worthy of returning to him and my Heavenly Father.

Tomorrow we have the opportunity to listen to General Conference. I can tell you personally that I've had prayers answered through General Conference and I would challenge everyone to pray to their Heavenly Father and ask a question. Take the opportunity. It works. And if you haven't, take the time to study and ponder on the atonement and what it has done in your life. I recommend reading the wonderful words of Henry B. Eyring regarding this Easter season.

What a wonderful holiday and what an amazing plan our Heavenly Father has for us. Never forget how much They love you. Remember the blessings of the atonement in your life. Remember our Savior.

The Power in Losing

This past weekend I had the pleasure of going with my ward to our Winter Conference in the middle of nowhere. I had no idea what I was getting into and in the rush to go (completely forgetting when we had to be at the church) I ended up arriving in the snowy cabins in flats and with no snow gear.

But I wasn't interested in going sledding and instead spent my time killing people as a werewolf (and subsequently always being killed early into the game), joining the dark side (we actually did have cookies), and eating toast (Nacho Libre jokes were made). Yet I could not shake the wonderful message given by President Henry Friday night at the conference.

He spoke of his life and struggles and the blessings of the gospel. There were a few things that stuck out to me, but I especially loved when he said, "I've learned more from losing than I have from winning."

We've all been told to learn from our mistakes and to move forward, yet for some reason I didn't think of it that way. Looking back on my life, I always thought I learned best from my success and wins. Maybe it's because I didn't want to think about my loses. I didn't want to look back on my failures. I just wanted to move forward and do better. It seems so obvious, yet it was as if I heard it for the first time.

When things go right do we forget to stop and analyze the situation and see why? Do we forget to think about what we can learn from this? Or do we just relish in the moment and forget to give gratitude?

Perhaps that's why I love journaling, because when I look back I can see things clearer than I could as I experienced them. I know we are all given trials and tribulations to teach us and help us grow, I just didn't think we learned more from losing than we did from winning.

On that train of thought: is there power in losing? Absolutely.

We know in the scriptures that many of the prophets did not seemingly succeed. Abinidai might not have known that after his death Alma would follow in his footsteps and end up converting thousands. Or perhaps he did. I wouldn't be surprised if he did. Either way, assuming Abinidai didn't, he must have felt like he failed big time. He must have thought he lost.

My thoughts turn back to last year when my father lost his job. It felt like we were lost. We had no idea what to expect or what was going to happen. But we learned. We got up and pressed forward, finding a way and turning to our Heavenly Father for guidance. We're still learning and Heavenly Father is slowly unraveling His plan for us but we're not going to let this bring us down.

President Henry explained it in terms of wrestling, being that he was a wrestling coach for many years. He explained how some who lost matches didn't need to be talked to. They were quiet and analyzed what they did wrong. If anything they needed encouragement. Others needed to be talked to to help them understand how they could do better.

Perhaps in our own lives we could ask ourselves which we are on this spectrum. Do we need encouragement because we are down on ourselves or do we need help in understanding what we need to do better? I can tell you that personally I'm a little of both. And I bet most of us are the same way.

I can't tell you what power you can gain from losing and that you'll always learn something. Sometimes you just have to trust in the Lord and press forward, even when you don't fully understand. I do know there is power in losing, though. And I do know our Savior can help us.

To share a somewhat silly example, I'm really bad a playing games. I usually lose when I play games the first time around. When we first got Just Dance I was horrible. So horrible Herby thought the controllers were broken because I got such low scores. They weren't. I was just that bad. And I hated playing in front of people because of it. But once I observed and got a feel for it, I came back stronger, until I had most (if not all) of the top scores.

Losing can be embarrassing, and it is. I think if it wasn't for the fact that it was my first time playing Risk later that night I would have been incredibly embarrassed. But I learned, and who knows, maybe I'll do better next time. It's okay to be embarrassed. It's okay to have a hard time. It's okay to be beat down and to need time to sort out your thoughts and emotions. Guess what? You can try again. You can take this moment to build yourself up into someone stronger. There is power in losing.

A wonderful example of power in losing is Job. He lost everything save his faith. Job had a wonderful and powerful testimony. Have we striven to be more like Job? Can we take a loss as well as him? Or do we murmur? Are we striving for power in our loses?

It's not easy. No doubt about it. I think it's safe to say many of us are hard on ourselves after a loss or we don't understand why we lost. That's okay. You have a mentor who is ready and waiting to help you. You have a wonderful coach who's been through it all and can help you. He knows what you've gone through and he can help you through it. Despite being crucified he has risen. And he will never lose. He will always win, and he will help you to rise up with him. In fact as I recall a holiday is coming up in relation to this very resurrection and person.

If you want to find real power in losing then you need to turn to the atonement. No one has risen better or can help us gain power better than our Savior. And he can help us to do the same. I'm not going to get into the atonement because that's a post for another day in the near future (say... around Easter time?), but each one of us can come to understand it and how it can give us power in our own personal studies and prayers.

I'm so thankful for President Henry's words and guidance and for the memories made at Winter Conference. I've been thinking a lot on the atonement and what I can learn from losing since and I'm excited for Easter. If we remember to turn to our Savior, not murmur, and to be more like Job, we can learn so much and gain a great and powerful testimony. And I wish that for all of us.

Happy (early) Easter!

You Were Created In God's Image

It's no secret that people, especially females, suffer from bad body image. Everyone has their insecurities. Everyone has dealt with issues in self worth and confidence. And that's okay, because that's a part of life. I wanted to speak on this because, like everyone else, I've dealt with this too. But, not only that, I think that we sometimes forget how important self worth and self confidence is in our spiritual journey back to our Heavenly Parents. And it's very important.

Remember you were created in God's image. In a physical sense you, in a small way, represent your Heavenly Father. How can you say you love Him if you don't love yourself?

It's tough to think about because we want to come to know and love our Heavenly Father, but it's important to know that you can't fully love another without loving yourself first. You are wonderful in your Heavenly Father's eyes. He loves you. He's done so much for you and wants to continue to bless you. But I cannot stress enough how much having self worth matters in the road back to your Heavenly Father.

Not loving yourself is disrespectful to yourself and your Heavenly Father. He created you and He loves you, so when you don't show that love for yourself you're taking for granted what God has created.

The thing is, the road to self confidence can't be started because you don't want to offend God. Though by all means, live in a way that won't offend your Heavenly Father. I'm sure He won't mind. And it will certainly help. But you should always always always try to live a little for yourself.

"Date yourself. Take yourself out to eat. Don't share your popcorn at the movies with anyone. Stroll around an art museum alone. Fall in love with canvases. Fall in love with yourself." -Unknown

When you love yourself you open your heart to others and let them in. You're happier and that reflects on the outside. When you love yourself you find less reasons to hate another. "To love another you must first love yourself."

Self confidence is a personal journey that's different for everyone. There are plenty of books, articles, and films with help to gain self confidence but it'll be different for everyone. One thing is the same however: your Heavenly Father can and will help you. Counsel with your Heavenly Father and read your patriarchal blessing if you have one (if you don't I encourage you to get one). Take some time off from Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and Pinterest to give more time to yourself.

The media can be harmful to your self confidence. That's common knowledge, yet we do little to fix it. If you find yourself online and your confidence wanes because of something you see then you know you need to get out. Don't surround yourself with anything or anyone that won't boost your confidence.

I don't think I can stress enough how important this is. When I came to love myself I came to love my Heavenly Father so much more, and I was able to learn more and be truly converted. Remember Heavenly Father loves you. This isn't a trivial love that changes depending on your weight or height or if you fit the media's standards of good looking. No, He loves you so much "He sent His only begotten son." There's nothing trivial about that. In the April 2008 Priesthood session Henry B. Eyring said: "You can feel confidence because you have evidence of His confidence in you." [here's the source if you want to read this talk on the priesthood and confidence]

But to be able to feel His confidence in you you need to start with yourself. Start by being a little selfish and loving yourself. Date yourself. That's a wonderful idea. I've even started doing it and I love it. Do His work. Go do some service for your fellow man, and you will "have evidence of His confidence in you." In D&C 121 we are encouraged to "be full of charity towards all men ... and let virtue garnish [our] thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God."

Understand that you were preordained in the Pre-Mortal estate. He has great plans for you. And He knows you can accomplish those things which He has sent you to do. He has confidence in you. You've be preordained by God. No one else can do the work that He needs you to do. That's huge. But if you let yourself be beat up by low self esteem you won't be able to fully do those things. He needs you to know how wonderful you are. And yes, you are wonderful. So wonderful your Savior took your sins upon himself and died for you.

We all know the phrase, "Through Christ all things are possible." Let's change that around a bit to "through confidence all things are possible." Because confidence is of Christ and Heavenly Father. Satan doesn't want you to have confidence. He doesn't want you to know how wonderful you really are. He wants you to be unhappy like him. He wants you to suffer and turn away from your Heavenly Father.

Stay away from worldly influences that bring you down. Heavenly Father humbles. He doesn't bring us down. He makes us better, not worse. When you really come to understand that and feel of His love, and in turn love yourself, your life will be richer and you will be happier. It starts with you and your decision to do that for yourself. It doesn't start with a new boyfriend or girlfriend, a perfect career, or toned abs.

Heavenly Father will help you. He wants to. Have I said it enough? He loves you.

And ladies, for the love of all that's good and saintly, stop pining your worth on guys. Stop telling yourself you're not beautiful, smart, wonderful, or whatever because you're single or because some guy said otherwise. He's not worth it, and the right guy won't just like you because of your looks. I once heard someone say, "Don't put your worth on someone who's probably thinking about tacos."

If you need some more encouragement, I recommend heading over to Beauty Redefined to read their awesome blogs. Or, you know, you could look into the Young Women's and Relief Society program, which strives to bring girls up in righteousness and help them gain confidence. If you're going to lean on a guy for confidence then at least lean on your Savior. We should learn to lean on Him when we're going through a tough time. We need to lean on him for strength.

Um... I like the song too but I don't need that song to make me feel beautiful.

I'm sorry but as much as I love One Direction, listening to What Makes You Beautiful isn't going to change your confidence. Maybe you'll believe them for three minutes and twenty-seven seconds but that's not enough. You need to devote time and effort to yourself.

Your body is a temple. We know this. You may have even heard this your whole life. Treat your body well. I'm not saying you need to be a size two. No. Skinny doesn't necessarily mean healthy (Likewise being "fat" doesn't mean you're unhealthy.). But your body is a gift. Take care of it.

It has been scientifically proven that when you're good to your body you feel better and you're happier. And yes, you love yourself. Why do you think Heavenly Father gave us the Word of Wisdom? So we can be healthy and happy. Don't for one second think dieting to get a "perfect bikini ready body" or "to look thinner and therefore prettier" is the same thing. Do not let the media and Satan fool you. It's great to get healthy, but you must have a healthy mind too.

I personally believe the key to loving yourself is in spending some time alone (date yourself), serving your Heavenly Father, and in taking care of yourself (The Word of Wisdom). And I've learned that when I read my patriarchal blessing and tried to understand how Heavenly Father sees me and my potential I was much happier and I loved myself more. But again, it's a personal journey for all of us.

Know you're not alone in this. Your Heavenly Father and Savior want you to love yourself and they'd be more than happy to help. They know your divine potential. Your Savior died for you. If he didn't think you were worth it he wouldn't go through the atonement for you. He "bled through every pore" because He cares and loves us. Each and every one of us.

You were created in God's image and He loves you. Never forget that. And remember to love yourself. The journey to self love and self confidence starts with you. It doesn't start with a boyfriend or compliments littering your Facebook. It starts with you. Remember to never let anything bring you down. Heavenly Father wouldn't want you to.

I promise that through our Savior and our Heavenly Father you can come to have confidence in yourself and find true joy. The plans They have for us are to bring us joy. Not to bring us down. And, as if I couldn't say it enough, it all starts with you.

What are you doing now to make yourself happier?

Further reading:

• The 2007 Mutual Theme on Real Confidence has some great points
• Here is a post on LDS.org on Spiritual Confidence
• Canaries With Gray on their Wings is a beautiful talk by Thomas S. Monson
• The Self Improvement Mentor has some great points about gaining confidence and comparing ourselves to others
• Oh hey, I wrote a post on comparing ourselves to others!
• They don't call it the positivity blog for nothing
• And I can't talk about Beauty Redefined enough. I love their blogs!

Philippians 4:8

8 Finally, bretheren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.


I came across this scripture one day as I was trying to find another and have been thinking on it for quite some time. We are told to apply scriptures to ourselves. One of my leaders once gave me a card that took a scripture from D&C but put my name in it. I put it on my mirror so I saw it every day to remind me of it's message.

So naturally I've been contemplating how I can apply this scripture to my life. I've seen a few graphics of it on Pinterest (but seeing as most aren't perfect quotes I didn't see it fit to put them here). And I've even thought about writing it on an index card to put on my mirror.

Instead what I think I'm going to do is change the emphasis. Any time something is written in italics it's for emphasis. Those are the words one must pay the most attention to.

Finally, bretheren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Now let's stop and think about how this can be applied to our lives. True, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtue, and praise are the words in question here. This scripture is telling us to think on these things. I'd even go so far as to say "seek after these things." (thirteenth article of faith anyone?)

But I think it's more than that. We shouldn't just seek after these things or think on these things. We should become these things. Lately this scripture has been my motto. I think about it every day and how I can become like each of these things. So we could change it even more.

Finally, bretheren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, become these things.

In short: Strive to become true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous, and praise worthy.

It probably doesn't come as a surprise to anyone that these words describe Christ. And they can, in time, come to describe us. Sometimes I focus on one thing at a time. I say, "I want to work on being honest." And I work towards being more honest. I don't like to try to get myself to work on all of them at once. That's too hard and daunting.


Take it small and grow from there. Heavenly Father isn't expecting a huge change over night. And he's okay with that. He's the king of patience.


So how can we come to become these things? There are the usual answers: prayer, scripture study, and going to church, but there's more to it than that. Each one of these holds a different and very powerful meaning. Each one takes work and effort to improve in, and none of them are black and white. It's not as simple as say staying a virgin until marriage or not watching an R rated film. It's more than that. It takes work.

It takes the Holy Ghost.

When you were confirmed a member (assuming you were) you received the gift of the Holy Ghost. The Holy Ghost is the ultimate guide. He's the ultimate friend. He knows you and wants to lead you to your Heavenly Father. If you trust in the Holy Ghost you will never and I mean never be lead astray. You might go through some tough times or even some awkward times, but he will lead you to victory.

I don't talk often of the Holy Ghost because I think that's a personal thing. But the Holy Ghost really is a key role in this journey back to our Heavenly Father. We cannot progress in this great work without the Holy Ghost. We cannot become those things without the Holy Ghost. We can't do anything without the Holy Ghost. It is absolutely crucial to have the Holy Ghost if we are to endure this life.

I'm not going to tell you what you need to do to become each of those things. I would think everyone has a desire to become those things. Why wouldn't you? They're all wonderful. I will, however, address three that I think need to be explained. The rest can be looked up in the dictionary for help (I recommend the Bible Dictionary).

The first I want to explain is lovely. Most of us probably read that and think it means physical looks. I disagree. Yes, it does say it stands for beauty in the scriptures if you look down at the annotations but forget that for a moment.

I've always thought that being called lovely was the highest physical compliment one could give another. It's not the same as cute, hot, pretty, or even beautiful. Dictionary.com defines lovely as: having a beauty that appeals to the heart or mind as well as to the eye, as a person or a face. And also of a great moral or spiritual beauty.

Now we can apply it in a different way. When I think of this and how I can become this, I don't think about wearing makeup or pretty dresses. I think about being a person with great morals and a spiritual beauty. How wonderful is that phrase? Spiritual beauty. Spiritual beauty is one that never fades. It lasts forever.

How do we achieve spiritual beauty? Honestly I'm still working on that. But I would think that it's the same as having a beautiful and healthy body. You have to take care of your spirit, feed it with spiritual nutrition (scriptures, prayer, going to church), nourish and cleanse it (i.e. sacrament) and work out for it (fulfilling callings, being a servant of the Lord, service). And you have to love it and treat it with respect. (follow the commandments) When I look at it that way I've come to realize I know many people who are spiritually beautiful.

The next word is of good report. I don't want people to misunderstand this for "having a good reputation." So let me explain it as I see it. You are representatives of Christ and your Heavenly Father. You are. You make a promise to take his name upon yourself when you partake of the sacrament (or if you're like me you've been doing that your whole life). You need to be a good representative of your faith and your Savior and Father. By that I mean trying your best not to be a hypocrite, treating others as He would, and taking care of yourself spiritually.

This is in no way to sound like I'm attacking anyone for hypocrisy. If the world opened its eyes it would realize every single human being is a hypocrite and no one has the right to point fingers. But you should try to be the best representative you can be. You made a promise. That's huge. It's more than a promise. It's a covenant. You do that and Heavenly Father will bless you and make sure you may "always have the spirit to be with [you.]"

You don't want to offend your Savior by misusing his name, do you? I once heard a guy say when you do something against the commandments when you took the sacrament that week you're using the Lord's name in vain. Woah. How huge is that? It really got me thinking about how I could better strive to be of good report.

And the final one I wanted to dissect goes along with that. Praise worthy shouldn't be confused with of good report. This isn't vying for attention or hoping people praise you. When I look at this I don't think about getting praise from the world, the relief society, or even that guy I'm crushing on. I think about what I can do to earn praise from my Heavenly Father.

source: pinterest

Remember when you were a child and you were so excited when you did a good job on something and your parents praised you? Now imagine making your Heavenly Father praise you? It feels pretty good. And you know, He's pretty excited by the little things. He loves when we pray to Him and read our scriptures. He loves when we say hello to someone who's sitting by themselves. He loves when we go to the temple or say no to listening to a bad song. He loves those things and wants to praise us with blessings.

Don't seek praise from your fellow man. You'll always end up disappointed. Seek praise from your Heavenly Father. If you do anything praise worthy He will not let it go unnoticed. He will always recognize your efforts. He will always appreciate it. And He will always find a way to bless you. Why wouldn't you want to live in a way that would make Him praise you?

So these are the things I've come to know from one little scripture. And every day I strive to improve on these things little by little. Hopefully you've read this and have been inspired. Scriptures are powerful and can bring great joy and meaning into our lives. Remember to strive to think on these things, seek after these things, and become these things. And you will find your life will be fuller and richer. I promise.