This time around I've been trying to journal and really study what I read. I want to get as much as I can out of it for this time in my life, and journal for future reference. I can't put everything I learn and come across on here, but I thought I'd share some of my experiences. And what I've found.
In my post about cancelling my mission, I shared some of what I learned in 1 Nephi that helped me in accepting my decision and trying to understand it from an eternal perspective. Yet that was only the beginning of much learning that has taken up so many pages in my journal.
I realized as I started reading 1 Nephi that I know this story really well. I've watched the Book of Mormon film, heard the story in church, and seen it portrayed many times at Hill Cumorah. Every time I've read it I've passed through passively because it was all the same to me. I've read this. I know this story. What more can I take out of it?
So this time I tried to understand it deeper. As a big reader and a writer I wanted to analyze it like I would a book. Every word in the scriptures has a deeper meaning. We know this from Christ's parables but it's true of every single word in the scriptures.
I decided to take a surprising turn in studying 1 Nephi. I wanted to understand the story from both Nephi and Laman's point-of-view. Specifically, I wanted to see how I could relate to Laman. The results were startling. I could relate to him way more than I wanted to admit. But already it's taught me a valuable lesson.
While it may seem strange to try to understand and relate to Laman, my thought process was that if I knew how I related to Laman then I knew what I had to work on. And while it was easy to see everything from Nephi's point-of-view since it's written in his point-of-view I wanted to try to see it from the eyes of a young man, not an older man recalling his youth.
All my life I thought Nephi was a spiritual giant and it came easy to him. I thought he just knew. He didn't struggle like me. He always said wonderful things and always acted on unlimited faith. To me, he was the perfect example of what we should strive to be in this life (save only Christ). It just seemed so easy for Nephi.
Yet, what I found was the opposite. Nephi didn't have a testimony right away. He didn't have a perfect testimony and perfect faith. Does anyone? But not only that, Nephi had to work for it. This has become so much my mantra I've put a post-it on my mirror to remind me.
When Nephi was in the wilderness (prior to getting the plates) he knelt down in prayer to know the things which his father knew. In that moment he received a testimony that was vital to him being able to get the brass plates. I got more into this in a previous post. But I think this is so important.
Remember, becoming a spiritual giant like Nephi doesn't come easy. Nephi worked for his testimony and he continued to be faithful and try to do what he could to please his Heavenly Father. We can't become Nephis over night. That takes time and effort. It's not impossible though. We can be strong and faithful like Nephi. Like him, we have to work hard for it.
But, we can become Lamans too. It was interesting to reread 1 Nephi and to try to see it from his point-of-view. I always thought Nephi and Laman were black and white. I just thought he was all bad. It has to be understood that Laman isn't bad. He just lacks a testimony. Now I'm not saying this to scare anyone who lacks a testimony (I recommend reading Elder Holland's recent talk at General Conference in regards to this topic) but what needs to be understood is Laman both lacked a testimony and wasn't willing to work for one.
How many times do we expect Heavenly Father to bless us the way we want? Can you really say you aren't guilty of that? Well I hate to break it to you, but that's very much like Laman. In fact, I bet every one of us has a little of Laman in us. More than we want to admit, too.
Laman wanted things to be easy and simple. He loved his home and had a comfortable life. Imagine having the life you always wanted and suddenly being told by your father you had to leave for the wilderness. You have to leave everything and everyone you love behind. That's not easy. Can you blame Laman for complaining and not wanting to go?
The big difference in how Laman and Nephi handle things is that one has a testimony and sought it out and the other didn't. While Nephi was still young and premature in his testimony it still had a tremendous impact on his behavior. And likewise, not having one or striving for one effected Laman's behavior and attitude.
What we need to ask ourselves now is who do we want to become. Do we want to be like Nephi? Do we want to work hard for our testimony, continually trust in the Lord, and strive to better ourselves? Or do we want to be like Laman, comfortable in our worldly pleasure, lacking in testimony, and lazy?
Yet somehow in our every day decisions we end up striving to be a little bit like both of them. What I've gotten out of this study so far is how important it is to make it a daily goal to choose our Heavenly Father. We need to decide for ourselves what we want. It's easy to see things from a short perspective. It's easy to make a decision that won't effect us until later in life. But we need to decide now who we want to be now, tomorrow, and forever more. And we need to constantly do what we can for that.
I love the scriptures. I don't think I can say that enough. No matter how many times I reread them, I always get something new out of it. And I'm excited to see what this new goal will teach me and to see what messages I get that pertain to my life right now.
I'd encourage everyone to take the challenge to read seven pages of the Book of Mormon a day. It's okay if you're not perfect about it. I'm actually a bit behind, but I catch up. You can do it. I promise if you do and you really study and ponder what you read you'll find the messages you need at this time in your life. Heavenly Father often blesses us through His teachings in the scriptures. Even when we think we know it all, we find more richness when we reread.
I know this book is true. I know it. And I'm so thankful for having them in my life. And I say these things, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
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