I make it a point to come into these meanings with a question and an eagerness for answer. I didn't do that this time, and maybe that was wrong, but I just wanted to listen. All I wanted was to be inspired by the Holy Ghost. And my, it was impossible to not feel the Holy Ghost. It was impossible to not cry.
Rather than going into detail about each talk, I just wanted to share what I felt. One of messages I loved was in connection through the generations. When they brought up Marjorie Hinckley I almost squealed. She is without a doubt one of my heroes. I admire her so much. And in fact, the story of the 80 year old woman who was put with the mai maids rang a bell in my mind.
When I was in young womens we had a much older young womens leader. I remember her because I just sort of adored her. I thought she was the cutest thing. Being the awkward teenager that I was, I wasn't good at approaching people about my admiration. I'm still not. There are so many people even today I wish I could go up to and say, "You're so amazing. I love the example you are in my life. Keep being the fantastic person you are." I wish I could have said that to her.
This lesson hit me hard. I'd be lying if I said I didn't deal with problems of inadequacy because of my age. How can a twenty-one year old teach a class of Relief Society women who've been on missions, gotten degrees, or gone through more than I've even dreamed of? How can I do that? Even in writing his blog I feel I'm too young. What can I teach you?
When they told stories of girls of all ages it hit me that age didn't matter. It was all in my head that I had to be older. If you haven't caught on my newest calling is a Relief Society teacher and I was beyond excited until I had to teach. Then it hit me like a wave that I had no idea what I was doing. But this isn't about that, this is about the Conference.
I implore you to watch it if you haven't already. The videos brought me to tears each time. When I was a teenager in Philadelphia I used to feel so alone. Videos like that were just what I needed to know I wasn't alone. And to be honest, those feelings of loneliness don't just disappear in Utah. They hit all of us. But watching that Conference made me see I wasn't alone.
Now, I must talk about President Eyring. To be clear, I had NO IDEA he was baptized in Philadelphia. I gasped, sitting in awe for a few seconds as I processed it. He didn't think when he was eight years old that he would one day do the groundbreaking for the Philadelphia temple. And you know, I don't doubt for a second that he's as excited and touched to know there's going to be a temple in Philadelphia as I am. Everything about it seems different now. It just seems so much more real. And I'll be surprised if he doesn't do the dedication. And I have a confession, if I could I'd marry a man like President Eyring. No really. I would love to marry someone like him.
In one of the talks there phrase was brought up: "Here I am. Send me." It was brought up to ask if we are willing to be the one to say that. This made me think of Ephraim's Rescue and the scene that makes the entire movie. In this scene Brigham Young is talking to some of the men about how the saints need them. They offer to leave in a few days and such and you can see the devastation in Brigham Young's face. You can just see how hurt he is at the hesitation to help the saints. Then Ephraim raises his hand and says, "I am ready now."
I have a notebook with this phrase on it because that struck me so much. If there was ever a message to take from that movie, it's the importance of being prepared to serve the Lord. To be honest, I don't think I'm as ready as I was a year ago when I went to the temple twice a week and was studying hard to serve a mission, but I'm still trying.
I want to be the person that stands up and says, "Here I am. Send me." Looking back I know I've had those experiences, and I know that's what Heavenly Father wants. What more could I ever want than to please my Heavenly Father and serve Him? It is my heartfelt desire to be the one Heavenly Father knows He can turn to to get His work done. I want Him to know that I will answer with genuine truth when I say, "Here I am. Send me."
I also know that sometimes when you say that, He won't send you. But that's okay, because He has another direction to send you in. Perhaps it seems like I speak on this a lot, but it's taught me so much I couldn't begin to explain in one post. All I know is I want to be ready. I want to stand and say, "I am ready now. Send me."
So here I am. I'll go where you want me to go dear Lord.
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